Feeling the Spirit

Inspired by a fellow seminarian(is that a word?) and friend from camp, I have a favorite story of 'feeling the spirit' if you will. I was a sophomore in college and had recently lost my 'grandma.' It is in quotes because she was not biologically linked to me at all, but she was my mom's best friend our families always spent a lot of time together. Shirley and Phil would come over at least once a week while they were out running errands, we had meals together at least weekly, always sat together at church, spent holidays together, and had many traditions together. It was the worst death I had experienced at that time. It still upsets me that she will not physically be there for my wedding, picking out my dress with me, planning, birth of my children, etc.

She passed away in the end of September. I had come home for Thanksgiving, and seen my 'grandpa' and how lonely he was. It was exceptionally harder to leave my family after the long weekend. I loved my life at school (not necessarily the classes...) and once I was there, I was never homesick, but leaving after this difficult death right before Christmas was a little more difficult. I remember thinking, praying and saying that I just want some kind of sign that she was still with me. I wanted to know that she was okay(duh-she's in heaven, she's fine-but I just needed a little reassurance). I was driving back to Kirksville and was reaching a point where I was no longer able to get Kansas City radio stations and transitioning to Northeast MO stations. It was dark, raining I think, and the road was curvy and under construction. Not good conditions when I am now crying because I missed Shirley.

I stopped crying and listened to the radio and there was a song playing--a guy--that I had never heard before. The words were something along the lines of "I'll always be there, no matter what I'll always be there". No joke. I cried even more, but had a sense of peace and reassurance that I can't quite explain in words. As soon as I got to school (well, probably after a meeting that I was going to), I looked on any and every lyric website I could find. I looked up different people it sounded like, googled the lyrics, etc all night long. I couldn't find anything. I couldnt' find anything similar that a man sung on a 'pop/contemporary' station.

All I can say is that I do still talk to her, I feel her presence and am reassured that she is in a better place. I know that she will be there for the major occasions in my life, and I love that I had a spiritual moment that spoke to me. It was over 6 years ago, but I can still feel the peace that I felt that day and have shared it with others. It has also made me more aware for other moments in my life. Thank you Shirley, I love and miss you always.