Signs

I don't really like to call it a "calling". Nobody called me on the phone and said "Go to seminary, it will all work out". I don't expect life changing events to happen like that either, I just prefer 'signs'. I have received what I believe are several signs for various reasons and this is no different.

I am not, nor have I ever been very good at making decisions. I need to know all of the facts, I need everyone’s approval, and I need to know that it will be the right decision down the road. I think it’s because I am afraid of disappointing people. Last summer I was a counselor at Chi Rho 1 and Primary 2 at Tall Oaks for the first time. I had an absolutely amazing time—I made new friends, learned a lot, was inspired to get more involved with the youth at church and it was even suggested that I go to seminary.

This past summer I counseled at 3 camps and even directed one. I had a ton of fun at all of them! I played with the little kids at Day Camp, I was ‘in charge’ at Primary Camp, I felt motivated by Suzi’s message on the last day of Chi Rho 2 and I have never laughed and been so inspired as I was at 8ers camp. I also feel like I received ‘signs’ that this is what I am supposed to be doing. Some of you were there for these signs and some of you were a part of them, so I thought I would share.

All of the camps were awesome, but the community that we made at 8ers was amazing. I have never laughed so much in one week. I have never been touched/inspired by so many people in one week. (Don’t take that out of context). One of my greatest moments of 8ers was our second to last small group. After a great discussion about the keynote, the last question that we asked of them was “When have you felt closest to God?” After a few seconds, Zach answered that he felt closest when his grandmother died and he spent some time with his grandfather that week. Madison said when her parents were getting divorced and she didn’t want to talk to either one of her parents so she turned to God. Jack said when his family pet died it brought the family together. I had several stories I could have shared, but with tears in my eyes, I turned to Robert (greatest co-counselor!) and smiled in awe. I couldn’t believe that these kids, many of whom we didn’t know 6 days earlier, were sharing deep and emotional stories with us. Robert and I said that that moment right then was when we felt closest to God.

That night at our last worship on Friday night, we were invited to take a purple or a red stole. Basically, the purple was to signify a Christian lifestyle to share with others, yet maybe in a different way and the red stole was to signify wanting to take a significant leadership role in the church and beyond. Suzanne and Kelli already joked with me that I was not allowed to hand out the purple stolesJ I was one of the last people to go up there, but I graciously and tearfully accepted a red stole. That night, after an unfortunate Jell-O incident, I went back to the cabin to get ready for bed; I took the stole off and put it with my stuff. The next day we left camp, but I was directing Primary camp the following day, so I didn’t have much time to do anything other than laundry and re-pack. I went back to work on Thursday, 6 days after receiving the red stole. I couldn’t tell you where it, or where anything else was at that point. Half of my stuff was still in the car, the other half was scattered around my apartment. I had a horrible day at work. I had a lot of work to catch up on; I couldn’t wear shorts and a t-shirt, I missed the counselors and kids and basically didn’t want to be there. When it was time for lunch, I looked in my purse to get my wallet. What do you think I found? The red stole. I broke down in tears (good thing my boss had already gone to lunch) and knew right then what I needed to do. The next day during lunch I called Saint Paul’s School of Theology and talked to an admissions counselor about my concerns and to see if it would be possible to enroll this fall. That was the first time I smiled in 2 days of being back at work.

So I did it. I applied and just received notice today that I was accepted to Saint Paul’s School of Theology. I could not have done this without any of you and I wanted to send a huge THANK YOU. Thank you for the talks in the cabin when I was supposed to be at the pool, the nudge to send in the application, the hug when receiving the red stole, the thoughts while in prayer, the inspiration, time at the Labyrinth, the hugs, the pictures, the outrageous game of Apples to Apples, the quotes that will make me laugh for a long time, the messages, the conversations about pictures, wanting to keep in touch, and most of all the great stories and memories that I have from camp.